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In a period when loneliness is increasing as our avenues for connecting expand, practitioners tell me they are drawn to a community that makes conversing and relating with one another an intentional activity-one with guidelines and structure designed to elicit intimacy. Authentic relating uses exercises, or games, to teach the skills necessary to quickly create deep, meaningful human connection.īut in the plainest human language with which I can explain it: Authentic relating uses exercises, or games, to teach and facilitate the skills, like curiosity and empathy, necessary to quickly create deep, meaningful human connection. Like human relationships themselves, the practice is hard to define and easier to experience. People I spoke with described it variously as a tool, a technology, and as a kind of magic or Jedi skill (jokingly). “Authentic relating” is a rather vague term. The movement now has a manual, curated by Ness, of around 150 games created by facilitators the world over. They play games like the “Handshake” game in which partners make nonverbal eye contact to “meet” the other (without shaking hands) and “The Noticing Game,” also known as “intersubjective meditation,” in which a pair goes back and forth sharing their perception of the other’s actions and answers as anxious, argumentative, confident, or guarded and so on. Sara Ness, the movement’s unofficial organizer and the founder of Authentic Revolution, the Austin outfit, estimates that 4,000 to 5,000 people go to similar game nights each week around the world.
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Some of the biggest outposts are in Austin, Boulder, Montreal, and Amsterdam, and authentic-relating techniques have been taught and practiced in schools, software companies, and start-ups. The movement, still grassroots, but growing, began in San Francisco in the late 1990s and now has a presence in 50 communities in 14 different countries throughout the world. We’re gathered here for a game night, a cornerstone of the authentic-relating movement, which aims to give people tools to connect more meaningfully with others. Right now, I know nothing else about the people I will spend the next three hours with, but I’m expecting I will soon-we are all here to “authentically relate” to one another. Most of the guests look about 30 or younger, and a majority seem to already know each other. It’s a fairly diverse group, though there are more men than women here. It’s a Sunday evening in Austin, Texas, in a calm gray room the perfect size and shape for a circle of around 30 adults.